Press Into Weakness

In this season, I am realizing that I am more weak than I am strong. For a enneagram 3, this is rough. We pride ourselves on achieving, excelling, being the best. But I'm realizing the path to greatness is paved with lots of weakness, lots of facing one's inadequacy, lots of choosing the harder thing, the thing that will expose all of my soft spots.

God is calling me into new places, places of creativity, places where I am out of my element. For the most part, I naturally operate out of my giftings. Worship leading, being a leader at work, starting nonprofits.

But now...God is saying, don't choose what your gifts dictate. Don't choose what may come naturally to you. Choose the harder thing, choose God and what He wants to release, which may or may not come naturally to me.

See choosing the harder thing = pressing into weakness = requires faith

Have you ever engaged in something that seems way-less? That feels so impossible that you tangibly feel the weight of your inadequacy? You tangibly experience your zero?

Most of us don't because this is supremely uncomfortable. It's stressful, its unnerving and frankly, it's really inconvenient.

See, God specializes in glorifying Himself in way-less places. In places where humanly there is no way forward. In places that seem at a standstill, paralyzed, stuck, hopeless.

But to experience His glory, we must choose to be weak. Choose hard things. Choose to peer into the darkness and discover the treasure. We will never discover, if we don't press in and if we don't press in, we will never truly know His glory or be launched fully into the great purposes God wants to establish in and through us.

Being a mother feels like a way-less place. The possibility of preaching in church feels like a way-less place. Seeing homelessness in Skid Row come to an end most definitely feels like a way-less place.

I could easily run. It would be so much e a s i e r. Just say no, self-protect, "take a break," say I'm too busy, say I need rest. These aren't bad things, but in this season, I know these are pathetic excuses.

I have to P R E S S in. Face my fears, face my inadequacy, choose the much harder thing. Peer into the dark. Find my way to the secret places, the places that aren't always fun, successful, or productive, but SO full of God.

What is my secret place in this season? What is the "dark" God is calling me to peer into? What is my weakness I'm supposed to press into?

I think for me, it's pressing into the fact that I can't make myself get pregnant. I am totally at the mercy of God. And instead of running from this fact, I need to make a home there. I need to build a home within this reality, within this truth and dwell here until God moves.

I think for me, it's pressing into the fact that God will always call me into things that I can't do without Him. Where's the fun in only doing things you are good at? Suck at something every day, I think is another way of saying, press into weakness. Whether that's being a mother, song-writing, preaching, being an executive, advocating, I will need to face my inadequacy and learn to find the bridge from my inadequacy to Jesus and make Him my starting point.

See so that's the ultimate truth: pressing into weakness means finding a way to Jesus and making Him your starting point. So it's not your inadequacy or even your pressing in or choosing that is the starting point. It's actually Jesus, deep intimacy and oneness with Jesus.

So choosing the hard thing = pressing into weakness = requires faith = makes Jesus your starting point

So this season of creativity is going to be marked by weakness. But in the midst of this weakness, I get to make Jesus the starting point of all things and that can only lead to His glory and my ultimate joy.

N., I haven't written to you in so long. Mainly because writing to you forces me to press into areas of extreme weakness. Areas where I doubt you will ever come, areas where I'm not sure if I can hear from God, areas where I question my ability to ever be a good mother, bear a child, be in labor, care for you, shepherd you well.

You will be the greatest creation in my life. This I know. I still long for you.