N, your time is near

It's true. I can say it with full assurance without striving because this declaration is full of God.

It's a strange sensation to just know that something is about to happen or something is just right.

The last time this happened it was when I knew I was going to marry Ash. No one had to tell me. It was a precious secret between me, God and Ash. It didn't matter if others understood it or if it was logical, rational or fit some generic formula. I knew in my gut, in the recesses of my being that he was the man God intended for me. 7 years later, it's even more true. It's more true each and every day.

And today, I have this same knowledge. So much so that I don't need to even pray to conceive anymore because I would be repeating to God what He already intends, what He already has prepared, what He has already spoken into existence.

In it's time I will hasten it, says the Lord.

I also know this is soon to happen because the battle is fierce. Nuru still isn't well. I've had conflict w/ dear friends. Ash is struggling. Anxiety reigns most of my days. And it's only when I pause to peer deeply into the eyes of Jesus that I feel relief and respite. Even as I write this, anxiety rises up...what if im wrong? what if i've heard wrong or sensed wrong again?

How do we hold on to what God has said when our reality wars against it?

God has said I would be a mother. That I would have a son. That it would happen this year. I sense that it may happen soon, perhaps this month. But I've also sensed this before and been totally wrong.

But perhaps this isn't about being right or wrong. Perhaps it's just about being close to God and being ALL in. Believing even without seeing. Trusting without fully knowing. Hurling a stone at the giant with the assurance that either God will slay the giant or you will die having taken a chance on God. Either way being totally ok.

So I believe. I'm going to trust the spirit of God within me that says the time is near. That the battle rages because fruition is about to happen.

In the midst of all this, N, I believe God has given me a glimpse of who you will be as you grow. Of what you will impact, a seed of what you will be about.

I pray your life will be characterized by this:

The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The infant will play near the hole of the cobra, and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest. They will neither harm nor destory on all my holy moutain, for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. - Isaiah 11: 6-9

N, I pray your spirit will be of this caliber. A spirit that tears down division, that cuts through fear, that brings justice. I pray that your spirit will bring reversal to destruction. That your spirit will bring courage even in your youth. That even as a child you will dwell in seeming dangerous places with boldness because God has called you there. That your spirit will cause unexpected change. That your spirit will cause enemies to unite, harmony to reign, righteousness to flow.

That you will NOT fear.

That you will live a FEARLESS life. That generational fear would be broken in you in Jesus name.

That gentleness and firmness would co-exist in you. That quietness and boldness would shine in you simultaneously. That even we would be in awe of how so many opposite things can co-exist in you and through you. That your spirit would encompass the same Spirit of Jesus that causes walls to be torn down, not just unto freedom, but unto shalom, a true peace.

May your hands know the viper's nest and when you seek it out, would your hands know how to bring the healing of God there.

May you be full of knowledge.

I can't wait to meet you very soon. Mama, loves you.